"all i want"

while others had gods, saints, myths, i had art, literature, and music. they had jesus, mary, icarus, but i always had and have joni.

on the 52nd (!) anniversary of her seminal ‘blue’ (1971), and in light of her recent comeback to live performance, for which she learnt to walk for the third time in her life, i simply would like to give thanks for her and especially praise this record, which has meant the world to me since i was a teenager, hurting and dreaming, alone and in the company of artists.

it’s a distilled confession that cuts to the bone, a restless travelogue, and also just really catchy and heartfelt and true. she made it when she was travelling, after a breakup, feeling as exposed and transparent and disposable as “a cellophane wrapper on a pack of cigarettes”, and god does she let it bleed, so much more than all the dudes out there then. with her personalised tunings, a voice not yet ravaged by years of smoking, and a pen from which “you[s] pours out of me / in these lines from time to time”, she expressed a wealth, a world of suffering, heartache, wanderlust, love and hope. it has only gotten richer over time, and recently i found myself returning again and again to the opening number, “all i want”, and even tracking down its live demo, which is harsher, rawer, more bitter and unforgiving even amidst its missing words.

but she got past that, she filled in the blanks, and she gave us equanimity, a daylight-clear sense that one can be a butterfly, a “dark cocoon” “hidin’ behind bottles in dark cafes”, but also self-confront, or wish/will, that it’s “only a phase”. and what a multivaried journey she’s been on, before and after, wings after wings after wings!

replaying a record is like revisiting a place: you really witness how you’ve changed while it’s stayed the same. i may have changed but ‘blue’ is forever a balm. again, as i wear out this record’s grooves, skate down her “river so long”, i give thanks that she exists, in harsh reality, not yearning dreams, that she dared to be and share, that she sang and wrote and is.

𝐵𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑠

𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝐼'𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒

𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒

𝑂𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑙 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦

…

𝐵𝑙𝑢𝑒, 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢

"think present"

honoured to have had written the album notes to maverick musician Xhin's landmark new album The Images Within. as we all pretend to function in the new abnormal, it's increasingly rare to share as enriching, challenging (in the right ways), and joyous an experience as this work/writing journey and the music/head trip itself.

over beers & fags (because new normal), i chatted with Xhin twice about his new LP — the first on his own label The Document — and daring to grow out of people's expectations, his DIY, diverse musicianship and compositions, the importance of independence, and lots more. in many ways, the experience reminded me of how X' Ho's death and legacy shook me awake, and i only wish X' was still around to have heard this, to have written these notes himself.

befitting the album's title, so many images came to mind listening to and writing about these deceptive eight tracks: mostly dark AF ones, but also such rewarding light and clarity on the other end too, sweeter perhaps because of the confrontation of all the evil. i hope i did justice to The Images Within; i know Xhin's album does justice to X's spirit at least. like it shines on the last track X' released, "One Day At A Time (Missin’ Pt.2)", where in collaboration with Everafter, he intones:

i shall try to go gently into the night... i fear tomorrow i shall not think of it i must not think of it... think present think present think present...

long may such brave spirits live and thrive in the here and now, always.

PREORDER: thedocument.bandcamp.com

full moon rising

amidst the increasingly overwhelming violence enveloping the world and our minds, this recent music mix by Xhin has been a balm, a mental and emotional salve. i go out walking again in the jungle (yes, they still exist in SG) with this on noise-cancellation earphones: i can't even hear my footsteps so i feel myself rising and disappearing into the wilderness and wildness, the falling darkness and shafts of light, far away from people and closer to our monkey cousins, who always try to rob me of my water bottle.

this embrocation of a mix contains mostly ambient/classical compositions by the likes of Anna Thorvaldsdottir, some harsher noise by the pioneering Tim Hecker and Ben Frost (almost as legendary as Sunn O))) and BORIS, who are also featured), and, of course, in these times, the much-needed Ryuichi Sakamoto (坂本龍一), who is beyond legendary already. the real highlight, i think, comes towards the end, with a multilingual spoken-word layering of a Paul Bowles quote from his existential novel 'The Sheltering Sky' (1949).

the balance here, plus open-minded diversity and subtle skill in weaving together this mix, astounds. also astounding is the fact that the multi-instrumentalist Xhin is still more well-regarded in €urope than in his $ingapore. his upcoming new album, his first on his own label The Document, is going to be something special indeed, too. keep your ear to the ground, let's recover.

Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really.

fourteenth song of 2022: Xhin – "How Many More Times Will We Watch The Full Moon Rise" (mix) http://soundcloud.com/.../how-many-more-times-will-we...